sometimes i really think i'm so lack of social life... i've been trying hard to study and hoping that i can do better this term, but how come i'm just so not achieving it? instead, more negative i feel about it as time goes... What is wrong with me? I can feel that i'm not the ususal high-spirt, noisy and crazy self 4 very long, everyone says i'm tired! even a long lost friend whom i just talked to last nite on msn, he also said i'm tired! i mean i haven even meet up with him 4 like years, and only chat with him this 2 days, and he could actually sense that i'm tired. M i tat tired?! But how? how can regain my "normal" self again? Actually i can feel that i'm quite inclined to the negative side --> i don't even feel excited about going shopping (one of my favourite activities). In fact, i'm so lost --> always daydreaming (or should i say stoning?!) such inactive self is really me?! I supposed people who know me, they will surely find it very weird! What a pity news?! Actually, i think another reason is cuz i feel very lonely inside me, i like to chat / tok / laugh... (all the mouth activities), but i'm so deprived of it; everyday study or do work ALONE! no one to tok or laugh to crap with. And when it's time to tok rubbish, i cant utter anymore rubbish cuz i'm so used to keep quiet. I DUN WAN!!! i dun wan such a boring life! Can someone get me out of here? I tried telling my mum how bored i feel, as expected --> useless! She just claimed that it's inevitable to feel that way, u have to prepare for exam, so umust study... blah blah blah! that's Y i dun like to share my feelings with my mum tat much nowadays. Despite i tried explaining to her the reasons, she just dun seem to share the same view as me, or even trying to understand how i feel. Haiz... Last time at least i've dear to cheer me up, having him by my side to fill up by boredom, laugh with, watch movie with, dine with, knowing more things around me... Haiz... really miss those moments very very much! At least i won't feel bored! And everytime thinking of meeting him at nite, i'll be even more motivated to study cuz at least i've sth to look fwd to. So i wun dili-deli and waste time. But now... i wun have such luxury already! Haiz... :( And i really don't know how 2 make myself productive and have balanced lifestyle! i agree that i'm tired, but seem like i've so much work to do, without muct results, i don't dare to take a (relatively) "long" break (let's say one full day), i will just feel guilty! I dun dare to slack but sometimes i'm really feeling very sleepy --> perhaps i'm just lazy n feel like zzz (excuse?!), tat's Y i dun dare to take too much break but try to tell myself tat i've to work! And now, my room has became an in-conducive place 4 me to study! i always slack around whenever i'm in my room. In my house, i'll always tempted to eat! haiz... (no wonder i put on so much weight ever since i studied at home everyday last week!!!) really hate it cuz i've been putting even more wt now! All my pants (waistline) so tight lor! Feel really irritated and sick of myself! Not only i irritated with myself, jimmy also. This few days seems like i shouldn't have go back to saffron to work, seems like making the situation worse! --> long story! think i shall tell u more next time lah! but now i think he just dislike me in all aspect lah! and i seem like i worth nth in saffron now! still tot i can hold this part-time job till i graduate! But now... think i better work hard in Dec to FIND another job mann... or else, i really dunno how 2 survive! Must really get more earning!!! So broke lor! I've so many things i wana buy... really dunno how?! somemore all are long term investment, really need alot of $$$ mann... :( Mayb i shld just get a suga-daddy lah! Haha... =p