is it really true that it'll be harder to get a (satisfied) BF as u grow older ?

i used to disagree [strongly] with this statement, cuz i believe that relationships (BGR) will just appear anytime, anywhere. And usually it's to ur least expectation. Another thing that always happen is CRUSH - my crushes always don't work out, is it cuz i'm so unlucky? or cuz i had crush on the wrong guy? or it's just not meant 4 him & i to further develop? Recently, i think i kinda commit such mistake again - liking someone i shouldn't! Perhaps to make myself sound more sympathetic, i should say it's the wrong time that i like this guy [now]! Perhaps if i noe him earlier, things might turn out more positive?! hmm... On the other hand, it might be quite good to have a one-sided crush to keep myself with small little excitement & motivation towards work since he's in one of my project group. Actually b4 i knew we are in the same group, i kinda quite "attracted" to him - that's was during the [mocked] job interview in FT (finishing touch). he looks very smart & neat, left me with a pretty good [1st] impression. and he speaks with a firm tone; his complexion & looks also quite good; abit "fleshy" / muscular (but i think this kind of build can provide a better sense of security for the gf), i think he has almost all (outer appearance) i hope my bf to possess. He seems like always "after" me - (1st time) Interview, (2nd) FT Dine-out, (4th) Presentation sequence, (3rd) His photo on school web - Is it just an coincidence? or is it considered as FATE? or is it that i'm just thinking too much - and trying to draw similarities to make myself think we kinda have something in common? In fact, if i didn't know that he's attached already, i would have a thought that he's kinda have [at least] a slight interest in me ... ever since he got my msn, he tends to initiate chatting with me (though not say very agressively), and we chatted with much comfort level (to me at least, but not sure how he feels). at times, i do think that he might be a possible candidate if he's still Single & Available. And we both also have quite a few interests in common. Perhaps i'm having too much thoughts into this, that's Y i'm being kinda sensitive into trivial issues. Well... not forgetting what the Zodiac's prediction for my year - it's not wise 4 me to have any relationship; i guess i should let this crush goes off on its own as time goes by. I also don't want to be the bad gal who spoil others' relationship - somemore his is rather stable (a year already). Today was my 1st class 4 negotiation - i should considered myself quite lucky - cuz i just happened to be in the same group (class discussion) with this pretty handsome dude, Martin, an exchange student from Canada. He's pretty funny, and his height-build-looks (excluding his hairy chest) almost scores 9.9 / 10.0 despite of my strict & high standard grading system. Unfortunately, i think i might not be doing my project with him, since i've already formed a group, with 2 available vacancies; and he most likely gonna form group with his "school mates" from Canada as well. So.. what a miss?! But it's all right! I still get to see him in class, that's why my friends expected me to be looking very much forward to my "new" class. In addition, there's one more exchange student, Daniel, although he's not my type, his build n looks (esp his hairstyle) just remind of Mattew McConaughey - he gives a strong "manhood" feel to me. Wah... Not bad to pick this class even though i barely know anyone there. {ya i know! i'm drooling already!} *yummy* hee...

is it really true that it'll be harder to get a (satisfied) BF as u grow older ? i used to disagree [strongly] with this statement, cuz i believe that relationships (BGR) will just appear anytime, anywhere. And usually it's to ur least expectation. Another thing that always happen is CRUSH - my crushes always don't work out, is it cuz i'm so unlucky? or cuz i had crush on the wrong guy? or it's just not meant 4 him & i to further develop? Recently, i think i kinda commit such mistake again - liking someone i shouldn't! Perhaps to make myself sound more sympathetic, i should say it's the wrong time that i like this guy [now]! Perhaps if i noe him earlier, things might turn out more positive?! hmm... On the other hand, it might be quite good to have a one-sided crush to keep myself with small little excitement & motivation towards work since he's in one of my project group. Actually b4 i knew we are in the same group, i kinda quite "attracted" to him - that's was during the [mocked] job interview in FT (finishing touch). he looks very smart & neat, left me with a pretty good [1st] impression. and he speaks with a firm tone; his complexion & looks also quite good; abit "fleshy" / muscular (but i think this kind of build can provide a better sense of security for the gf), i think he has almost all (outer appearance) i hope my bf to possess. He seems like always "after" me - (1st time) Interview, (2nd) FT Dine-out, (4th) Presentation sequence, (3rd) His photo on school web - Is it just an coincidence? or is it considered as FATE? or is it that i'm just thinking too much - and trying to draw similarities to make myself think we kinda have something in common? In fact, if i didn't know that he's attached already, i would have a thought that he's kinda have [at least] a slight interest in me ... ever since he got my msn, he tends to initiate chatting with me (though not say very agressively), and we chatted with much comfort level (to me at least, but not sure how he feels). at times, i do think that he might be a possible candidate if he's still Single & Available. And we both also have quite a few interests in common. Perhaps i'm having too much thoughts into this, that's Y i'm being kinda sensitive into trivial issues. Well... not forgetting what the Zodiac's prediction for my year - it's not wise 4 me to have any relationship; i guess i should let this crush goes off on its own as time goes by. I also don't want to be the bad gal who spoil others' relationship - somemore his is rather stable (a year already). Today was my 1st class 4 negotiation - i should considered myself quite lucky - cuz i just happened to be in the same group (class discussion) with this pretty handsome dude, Martin, an exchange student from Canada. He's pretty funny, and his height-build-looks (excluding his hairy chest) almost scores 9.9 / 10.0 despite of my strict & high standard grading system. Unfortunately, i think i might not be doing my project with him, since i've already formed a group, with 2 available vacancies; and he most likely gonna form group with his "school mates" from Canada as well. So.. what a miss?! But it's all right! I still get to see him in class, that's why my friends expected me to be looking very much forward to my "new" class. In addition, there's one more exchange student, Daniel, although he's not my type, his build n looks (esp his hairstyle) just remind of Mattew McConaughey - he gives a strong "manhood" feel to me. Wah... Not bad to pick this class even though i barely know anyone there. {ya i know! i'm drooling already!} *yummy* hee...

term break = "HELL" week?

haiz.. so tired! everyday meetin n meetin, dun even have time 2 do my own work / revision lor! really crazy week mann!

anyway, i went swimming this morny, tat's y i'm even more sleepy than ever! haiz.. mayb later gotta get a cup of coffee mann.. cuz i intend to stay in sch whole day tdy to do my work, but dunno if i have the stamina to stay throughout till the lib closes or not?! tmr another long day lor... damn sianz.. tmr:

10-2 pm CB meeting 2-5 pm emix (cca) big meeting 5 pm- dunno wat time ethics meeting finally evening gg 2 watch movie with my kc gang (208), haiz... seriously very hectic tmr! and now, my stats proj, the results very poor, i dunno whether if i should go down in the morny n take a look 4 awhile or not!? but i do so, tat means my day tmr will start from 5+ or 6am again! WAH... really killing me! and fri still have ethics meeting in the morny till 330 , then dance at 330, then might have cca gathering or cca exco meeting.. really back-2-back... i'm gg nutz already! omg!!! tat's y tdy is the only day which i can do abit of my work, but still need to prep 4 ethics meeting tmr! i really feel very tired mann.... wana exercise also so difficult! dunno how to lose wt mann... (thou i'm quite happie tat i think i toned down alittle, but still not target yet!) and i feel kinda sense of achievement, cuz i swam 15 laps (normal public swimming pool length) tdy! and the other day as well... i did in 3 sets of 10s (cuz my fd's pte pool is half the length of public pool)! haha.. tat's y i was late 4 meeting tdy! i was abit offended by my finance grp mate - cuz i dunno how 2 get the fin report rite? so i asked her, cuz we need to do some "HomeWork" b4 meeting tdy, but i'm not sure n couldn't find, so i asked her, yet she sound as if i'm not working 4 the proj lidat. she even said tat i cant expect everythg to b ready/found 4 me, i've to find it on my own, and oso everyone dun really know what's gg on as yet, so if i ask, also kinda "useless". haiz... dunno lah! then just now i came late 4 meeting, then they actually kinda finished with wad we supposed to discuss tdy, n i just kinda like came to "eat my lunch" (cuz i tot of eating over meeting), then they din really tok to me after i've reached, kinda feel abit out of place, esp tat gal (who is supposed to be closest to me among the rest of the grp). haiz.. dunno isit her mood swing / m i being too sensitive? mayb tat's the reason why i shldn't do proj with yr 1 unless necessary! now i'm kinda stressed n worried with my grp's stats survey results, they only did 26 this morny, where we need abt 50 for morny shift, n we only left with tmr morny only! i really think i've done alot 4 stats, yet they seems like not really trying hard enough! i dunno why m i doing so much more, where it's beyond my job scope, and the effort i put in not really bringing my extra credits. so that's why i might have to go down to look 4 them tmr morny, even thou i shld not be gg down already! (cuz i've already completed my share!) really worried now! haiz... somemore very lazy, feel like sleeping - dunno isit cuz of the after-lunch-coma effects / m i just too tired mann... i ate yuong-dou-fu just now (trying to choose sth more healthy)... hopefully my diet can work also lah... or else all my effort in exercising will gone to waste! argh... help! brain gonna burst soon!

why are some people so irresponsible & has NO sense of URGENCY?!

my CB proj group mates r juz so irresponsible! i've already told them that i cant make it tmr before 2pm cuz i've make up class till then, m i so insignificant? i'm really freaked out with their action! just like that last presentation, i can't believe that they can actually read up the case that needed 4 presentation just before it. Despite i was so so tied up and busy with my mugging, i also spent the time in doing my part - prepared the "backbone" of the ppt, yet they took it so lightly! just cuz of the small % of the assignment? i think such thinking is really too unbearable! it's too calculative! their attitude is totally wrong! i cant stand it really!!! what should i do? sianz... not saying they are not nice, but seriously i think their attitude and way in doing things should change!

Disappointing dae

kicking my day off super early - reaching Bukit Timah at 7.30am to meet damon & benjamin (celine's bf) for the nus car rally challenge.

after registering at nus, we prepared ourselves till 9am for the event to start - we were pasting the huge and "orh-bian" stickers onto the car, which are compulsory!

we 1st headed down to labora park, and on the way, we still thought we were pretty smart as i called up "external assistance" - charmaine - for the bonus question's answer. But we were wrong, cuz have already made a mistake by going the location for the challenge; in fact, we are supposed to go to the demsey road 2 find the answers for our clues 1st. wad a waste of time & effort? now we had to make a double trip!

next, we went 2 mount faber (faber point) & ford factory. it was a "disaster" when i saw the steps to uphill... OMG! dragging my feet up the steps, finally we made it to the top! after getting answers from the murals, we still have one more question not answered, we tried 2 find and to our least surprise, ben saw found the ans - cuz i was stepping on it (the city names of ASEAN countries). then we went 2 stamdford tyres 4 our next challenge. however, it's too physically involved, i din take part again! what i could do was to cheer for them by the side.

then, we went 2 sembawang road 4 an obvious satay place, we were driving from one end to the other of sembawang road, but we couldn't find the place, we even went to upper thomson road, where dear used to bring me to eat ampang yong-dou-fu there... thinking back, i wana eat also! then, by asking ben's friend, we realized tat the place should be the SG ITN'L Satay Club at Semabawang Shopping Centre. the guys were so irritated with the clue given - so vague and not properly prompted. as 4 me - no comments, cuz half of the time i was sleeping in the car, somemore the weather was super hot, i was so lazy and tired to do anythg (i can't help much either). finally i could contribute 2 the challenge - bbq satay... over there, i was rather surprised that all staller owners are malays, and there's one chinese stall - selling very traditional chinese food (roasted chicken and chu-car) also run by malay - this is really my first time mann... then, ben got his lunch @ BK, where i got a sandwich from 7-11, i was so surprised tat damon wana share the pathetic tuna sandwich with me. i was abit embarrassed to say no, i tried to hint to him, yet he just kinda wana share with me. anyway, there's anythg i would wana eat, so... haiz... just bear with it lah. i could ate the bun from the goodie bag also. actually i was abit "frustrated" about him - he is like so afraid to ask people! just now when we were stucked at one last qn, he just kept saying what he thk the ans shld be; not like he's 100% sure, even Ben also told him off [in a nice way] - "go n ask people lah!" i also dun understand why is he so afraid to ask? as if it'll strip his face off lidat!? i mean i also ask the auntie for a question what?! he's such a whimp mann!! and actually just now, when he was driving, he seems like he don't really know which way to go, ben was instructing him the direction, then, he suggested, "u wan to me take over / u wana drive?" yet tat he replied so stupidly, "of cos it's safer tat i drive lah!" both ben n i were like... "HUH?!" (wondering what he's trying to say mann?!) what i think it's just that he scare ben will "spoil" his car. but if i were him, and in such a racing situation, i rather let someone to take over - it's more efficient lor... seriously, i think it's really stupid of him to take part in this game where he hmself is not suitable 4 all these challenges at all!

later, we picked up celine & we went 2 look 4 water grassland (i forgot the exact place called). Over there, he pissed me off even more. there's no sense of urgency & effort in taking the challenge seriously. one illustration: we found the answer from the big poster, then when we about to leave tat area, i asked him again for the ans, & luckily i asked him again cuz he has forgotten. we turned back to look 4 it, from far, with some poles blocking the words, he just said it's "eagle rock", i was like thinking it sounds funny, so i walked all the way back and saw... "eagle PACK", i was like "scolded" him... really irritated lah! then i suggested to ask the stall owner if he know the answer, cuz the stall owner just happened to be on the phone, so he stood there n waited 4 him to finish the conversation. b4 he consulted the owner, he actually asked me, ' which question (altogether 3) do u wana ask? ' my instant reaction was like - what a dumb qn tat he could b asking me?

" all 3 lah! of cos! " - i just shouted at him. seeing him waiting 4 the stall owner really getting my nerves off, so i went over to another stall to ask, and i've got answers even much faster than him. he is really too timid and inefficient! really dunno why he wana take part in such even where he don't even dare to ask.

next, we went to frog farm. i was pretty irritated with him already, so i just ignored him when he asked me if i dared to touch the frogs. (cuz the challenge required 2 team members to hold the frog n run from one end to the other, racing against time, earn points by running as many times as possible) i've already kept quiet when celine said she wana do it, and we were silent and looking around, ben kept quiet too. yet he still so insensitive and asked me tat question! it's so understood tat i dun really wana do it already what!? he's really need to be explicitly instructed!

and, he finally let ben to take over the driving, i think he was tired. i felt so much more awake when ben drove, probably cuz he drives much faster! i just feel more alert lah! though he's not as fast as dear, but at least not like a snail - driving at such a contant [relatively] slow rate! and the music he plays is always the same - slow n soothing. i mean it's ok at times lah. but in such a situation, he still plays his slow soothing cd (same old songs always), no wonder ben kept changing back to radio - i agree with him too mann..

suddenly, it was raining cats & dogs again, so we missed going snow city, by exchanging to become one of the early bird, reporting at 4.30pm for an extra 200 points. actually if were not of the rain, and our time spent on finding the small bakery stall (for the bonus qn), we would have made our way to snow city and have fun! i miss my 1st chance of going there! what a miss?!

after a very long, irritating, frustrating day, i was so hungry and "dirty" (sticky). the dinner was not very fantastic (as expected) - (oily) chicken wings, (diluted & soggy) curry veggies, (cold & hard) crabsticks salad, (hard) yellow rice & (plain & tasteless) bee hoon. the almond jelly was very diluted too! and this meal worth $20 per head, i supposed the caterer must have earned alot mann! but due to hunger, dun care lah! just ate to fill up the stomach 1st. i think i ate quite too much thou, both celine n i kept on eating non-stop, even more than the guys. feel kinda guilty 4 eating so much thou! hope it wun be an adverse effect!

on our way home, i dun really know what to say to him after dropping celine n ben off, just kinda dun feel like toking to him, cuz i was tired also lah! think i need to stay away from him 4 quite a while 1st... at least i dun get over all the irritation 1st lah! haiz.. he seems really useless mann.. so impractical & timid! how to take care of me lidat? think it's more like i'll take care of him... I DUN WAN!!!

fulfilling day!!! satisfied as well...

Programes of the day :

1. SWIMMING

i went 2 Leroy's house and swam 30 laps (15 laps of standard public swimming pool) i thought i wouldn't make it, but maybe cuz of my strong determination, i did it! by swimming 10 laps each time, and i've accomplished my target with 3 sets of 10 laps within an hour time. Not bad huh?!

it was so hot n sunny! luckily i've applied sun block, or else i'll surely be burnt! (thou i've became "darker" already!)

2. DANCE

rushing down from TM interchange 2 Dohby Ghaut, i felt into deep-sleep on the train till my head kept tilting to the left, luckily i din knock onto the person mann.. or else really embarrassing mann! :p

wah... unexpectedly, when i was about to put on shades, i realized it was pouring so heavily outside - really cats & dogs mann... i hurried my way to Booklink - thanks 2 the underground, i can prevent myself from getting drenched - cuz i din bring unbrella!

after [successfully] exchanged my textbook from Booklink, i headed down 2 dance with baikun... luckily the rain has stopped! i guess i must be pretty lucky - it's always "dried" when i'm outdoor.

cuz of the after-effects from yday + swimming, i could hardly dance to my best - somemore she included floor work, and lotsa "locking" this time, it's really exhausive. during the lesson, my mind was just looking forward to end it soon. worst is cuz my stomach was groaning while i was dancing. But also good lah! tat means i can lose wt... yeah! haha...

[finally] after dance, i passed carol the $, yet she counted that it was $10 less than stated, i was so shocked cuz yday i counted b4 kunali, and i din touch the envelope after that. How could it be? OH MANN... what to do besides taking the $10 from my pocket 1st? hopefully i could find it at home then! but i seriously dun think it would drop out, i'm really pissed & uneasy! what a heart-ache - lost $10 for nothing!!

3. DINNER & "FUN with DICK & JANE" with Damon

after bathing at the gym, i met damon 4 dinner & movie. surprisingly he gave me Vday gift - a photo album & a stalk of (better quality) rose. i was kinda pai-seh to accept cuz i din even prepare anythg 4 him. and this just further proven that he's really courting me.

he brought me to PS Cafe for dinner (at Demsey Rd), it's kinda inaccessible if u do not drive. it's quite an experience to be there cuz there are interesing shops that sell burmese furnitures,and a few cafes there. with very high-class design of the cafe, it's filled with lot of customers (usually they are of the "rich"/ higher class, and many causasians) there, plus many reserved tables, we were rather lucky and privilege 2 have a table for dinner, thou we could only stay no longer than an hour. it's kinda like fine-dinning but a less formal one. the waitors & waitresses there were so polite & well-manner, i really think it's one of the best services i ever had. of cos, good service + well-designed of the cafe are not enough, the most important is still the food itself. nevertheless, it's so up 2 standard & unique that it's so satisfying! something amiss was the desert - we were too full to have the dessert, perhaps another time?!

we end off our nite by watching movie, then he sent me home. and without an expectation, he gave me another gift that he brought from KL (during CNY). i expect much from it, but he was like asking me to c what's it... oh mann.. it's a guess bag! haiz.. really feel bad to accept such an expensive bag (thou i dunno how much it costs, i roughly can estimate the cost range)! haiz... the bad is nice & unique lah! but afterall.. he keeps giving me things - i feel bad about it - cuz i dun think he's still up to my exectation. i told him b4, yet he seems to have forgotten what i've said. i really dun really know how to break this bad news to him once again - so embarrassing & so poor-thing to c him get disappointed! haiz.... LOVE is really a troublesome matter!!!

TIRED... both mentally & physically!

What to do? i just had 2 mid-terms (FINance & Consumer Behavior) on thurs, and a presentation on today as well. i have been mugging ever since last weekend, trying very hard 2 finish studying - 7 chapters to read for CB, a case study 2 do 4 the CB presentation & 10 chapters to study & practise 4 FIN! OMG!!! worst is that all crammed on the same day - what a stressful thurs?! really hope it could pass asap mann...

but after taking CB paper, i was so freaked out & panicked with my CB presentation, cuz my group members haven't even prepare the speech and powerpoint slides yet! OH MANN... i was kinda pissed with their attitude towards this. it's them who suggested 2 cancel the meeting (initally we planned to meet on tues afternn), and we prepare our parts. i've done my part yet they haven'e do theirs - that's so irresponsible! not only tat, the actual cause 4 such rush 4 our project also cuz of them, they din keep track when is our presentation, always thot that it's after term break (but it was supposed to be last week); maybe i dun blame them 4 that cuz i'm also at fault [partly], but the way that they take this issue is so frustrating! they are like can't really be bothered and not making any effort 2 amend their mistakes, taking it seriously when we are given a 2nd chance, the prof was already very pissed with us last week and even scolded us in front of the class; Yue-min is really too "grades-minded", just cuz this comprised of relatively small % of the overall grades, then she just dun wana put too much effort into it! i mean she might not bother cuz her grades have been pretty ok, but has she ever think of spare a thought for people like me, who wana do well to pull up my overall grades? i really kinda regret to have them as my groupmates. seems like i've chosen the wrong group mates! Haiz...

well... finally, it was all over. tests & presentation (we din present cuz we dun have time! *Phew!)

although expectedly i wun do well 4 both of my tests, at least it's over!

in fact, i'm quite satisfied cuz i've finally worked out! i went 2 the gym with Julia after the test - it's my 1st time been to the gym! haha... it's not as bad as i thought thou... it was quite an embarrassment cuz i was din really know how to use the machines, luckily i asked julia along, or else, i think it'll be even more embarrassing! and i think it's more than enough to be "laughed" @ by my another dance friend - baikun.. he was quite surprised that was my 1st time 2 the gym. and he was like commenting that i'm more like playing with the equipments than working out... but i mean i've never tried b4 what? of cos i must go 4 the lightest [for all] lah! or else i might tear my muscles! but anyway, spending 30 mins jogging (abt 3.8km) - which i was quite amazed with my performance, and another 30 mins of "feeling" (experiencing) the machines, then there came my final appointment of the day ~ stats meeting with the TA (for the upcoming proj)!

i'm seriously very irritated with him 4 putting the meeting so late on my last day of the week! somemore after such a long day (week), can't even go back early to rest! and luckily time passed rather fast, and it's all over. but after i reached home, i supposed it's cuz of prolong "inactivity" (lack of exercise) & thus i suffered from muscles ache! well... guess i really worked out...

m i really wonder why m i so screwed ?!

tdy i went to sch with super freaky mind - today supposed to have presentation, yet my grp don't even know, we all tot tat it's on week 9 (now is week 6), worst, my prof was so pissed with us (saying tat we r wasting 40 pple's time) and just scolded us in front of the whole class, i was so speechless & sad & pissed, just wanted to shout aloud to let me anger out. i felt so hopeless - cuz the module itself is so opinion-based, plus we can tell that she's rather biased (to "her kind" of pple), i really think my grade is gone again!!! :( after class, we went 2 watch the latin fest at concourse (in sch), i was so shocked 2 c Andy (ex-crush), he looks abit different - probably cuz of his new shorter hairstyle, and he seems to be fairer. i think he didn't see me, unfortunately, or mayb he saw me but couldn't recognise me?! - i'm not surprised. afterall, it's all on my (one) side. luckily i din confess / be too aggressive with getting to know him that time. then, my fds & i went lunch tgr, actually i was still very bothered with my morny class, i wasn't hungry at all, yet cuz they ate, so i went to buy lunch as well. still tot mayb i shall eat healthy and can skip dinner. but... i went home and eat junks (egg rolls, milk, jap fried black beans) again. actually my finance grp mate - julia want to stay back to study tgr, but i was too lazy, so i went home. i dunno why also. julia said i looked very unhappy, and chris (i bumped into when i was leaving sch) thot tat i'm sick, cuz my face looks like one. i mean i agreed that i feel very lethargic, but i've no idea why is it so also? i've been zzz alot lately, and like very slack also.. is it cuz i zzz too much? sometimes i really wonder why am i so negative? so unhappy? always so unhappy... what's bothering me? what's the "dead-knot" in me that i haven't untie? is it possible to untie it? if so, HOW??? can someone help me? i really dunno what's bothering me besides my wt & studies... seems like my luck really as poor as what the zodiac has predicted... BAD!!! even just now i was just about to post this entry, the whole entry just deleted, and i've to retype again... what's going on tdy? why so freaky??? is it my problem? lack of laughter? lack of interaction? i just feel there's much emptiness in me, i dun feel involved and very unoccupied.. very lazy frequently... i never be so lazy - dunno why recently i hardly laugh, like nothing 4 me to laugh about lidat... WHY??? where is the happy n cheerful me gone to?

Wednesday Bluezz???

i wonder why am i always having so much BLUEzzz in my life? is it cuz i don't know how to maximize my time? don't know how to make myself happy? or it's just my life... and is self-control that hard to work out effectively? kinda frustrated with myself for not being able to control myself at times. seeing myself so indiscipline, really don't know what to do?! knowing how to escape from work yet making myself further guilty and rush as days pass by, why can't i just get myself settled down to study effectively? & restrain myself away from temptation? m i considered stressed? but seems more like slack... help!!! how can i get my enthusiasm & energy back? i feel that i'm getting more n more lazy and slack... what happen?

DaDDy ~ I miss u … What a new year? So soon it has been 8 wonderful days that my whole family is in SG… spending the CNY together – feel so good. But goodness never stays long – my dad has just made his way backed to HK this morning. I’m rather surprised with myself, cuz I really miss him very much now [unexpectedly]. I really feel very great sense of sympathy for him whenever I see him doing things alone – eat alone, loitering around the house, read his novel with his hi-fi on… I really feel very pitiful for him. Worst, when I see my dad feel so bored when we are out as a family, cuz my mum hardly talk to him, as for me, I tend to talk to my mum more cuz we usually share the same interest in shopping. And my dad is so quiet – like nothing much to talk to my mum. He told me that this is so cuz my mum easily loses her temper at him cuz of her short-temper nature. Yet my mum told me that my dad is very blunt in his replies. Thus, being the “golden egg” of the family, I’ve become the middle-woman. They kept passing messages to each other THROUGH me, esp my mum. I really irritated & often forced her 2 tell my dad on her own. I’ve tried 2 create more opportunities 4 both of them 2 interact, but seems like it’s really TOUGH! Just like that time, after movie, when I was queuing 4 my dad’s dinner, I saw them sitting just opposite each other, but both looking around @ different directions, as if they don’t know each other like that. It’s so really painful 2 see them behaving like that. Sometimes I will think, probably it’s cuz I’m growing up, I tend to feel the closeness to my dad more & more. And I feel his love 2 me is so HUGE that I can sense it in almost every words he speaks 2 me – that’s why I just bought BAH_GUAW (BBQ pork) 4 him cuz I know he likes it. I don’t know what I can get 4 him that he will like [& within my affordability], so probably with my limits, I can only get food 4 him. Though it’s quite costly, I still think it’s worth it. Just like today, on our way 2 airport, he kept asking me if I’ve enough $ to spend, and he asked me at the airport again. I knew he need $ more than me, yet he still worried that I don’t have enough 2 spend (he claimed that he can give me more since he’s on loan now). Haiz… I really don’t know what 2 say, but instantly I just said “NO”, though my “devil” told me 2 ask 4 more, but the POWER of LOVE is so great that my devil just died immediately after suggesting that. I guessed now I just wish I could earn a lot of $$$ in future so my dad & mum can have a better life, with no worries of all the debt and living. I can sense that my dad is still of much worries about his job, debts, many many surrounding things. *SIGH* Just hope that I could fulfill his wish – not getting a master, but at least earn a lot of $$$ in future lah!