Feel so much better today. I dunno why do i feel so down last nite mann... really wonder why?! But luckily i felt much better! :)
but stupid me! If not because of the slow uploading of photo, i won't be late for my exco meeting and i can save up $2 for being late. So stupid me! but nvm.. i'm gg shopping with my mum tonight! i should be looking forward to that...
finally sch has ended, and i bot quite alot of thgs -- jewellery (unexpectedly), but at least i feel quite happy that i bot things that i like. But i'm still waiting for the day to come --> to buy my targeted bag (from nine-west). Still thinking if i should buy?! hmmm...
well... may be also because i'm wearing my new heels, hee.. tat's Y so happy! But i guessed more delighting is that i got back my marketing results --> though it's not very good, at least it's higher than my expectation, thus, i'm rather contented! But i know i need to achieve better results lah!
My day seems to be quite smooth ya? U are wrong! it has become a total opposite at night when i chatted with ed. i finally have a chance to share my thoughts with someone, thou i only can share this small bits... i just burst without knowing why.. just feel tat there's sth rushed out from my heart and i cant hold it anymore but 2 let it out. i feel very lost, i've no goal, bored, just feel tat i'm just good for / @ anything. All i noe abt myself is all the bad things about myself, i've nothing to be proud of. And i'm such a loser and weak person that is just so insignificant. No one appreciates me, no one wants me. I'm always causing troubles and making people worried about me. I'm just tat tiny little fly and always irritated people. (Not to mention others, i myself also very pissed with myself.) Haiz.. Whatever... there's nothing i can do to make myself feel better i guess... there are just too many things bothering me. I dunno whether if my family problems have affected me as well. -- Probably it does though i try not to think too much. My part-time job, my sch work, my cca... i'm just sux at everything. Seriously, i'm not being pessimisstic but this is the truth, i've no achievement at all. Why m i so lousy and such a loser? Often have an empty mind and just stare in a daze.
U might think that i'm being too particular about my weight as well, but the feeling of not being able to fit into my pants (the 1st time) -- really gets on my nerves. That's so scary! I cant imagine any further. May be u might think that i'm bother too much about how people think of me -- i agree though. And i know i'm a perfectist, that's may be why i'm having such a tough life. But i can't help it, this is just me -- i guess. Whatever it is, i don't think that should be the only cause of all the problems, there are many people out there are perfectist as well. They can live well, but Y can't i? M i really that different & unique from the rest? ---> think no one can answer me cuz i myself dun even know the answer! Worst, i dun have any solution to solve this problem, even if i know the cause, there's nothing i can do about it. SO what's the point?
