LOSSSSS ...... What's Up mann???

i went swimming as usual, like the other days, even though i was kinda reluctant this morny, i still go cuz i anticipated that coming weeks i won't be able to go swimming that often. i think i was too tired and blurred, i actually left my goggles in the changing room! SHIT!!! cuz that was bought by dear during our trip to Bali... i couldn't stop thinking of it so i went back to look for it. Unfortunately, as expected, someone has already taken it! i wonder who's that idiot - so greedy & ethical - took it away! Haiz... i don't even feel that pain if it was not from dear. But mayb cuz i hardly lose my property, once i lost something, i will feel very very sad one!!! and now i've to get a substitute! i didn't know goggles are so expensive until i bought them just now! i really hope that someone has gave my goggles to the security guard! please!!! it's only half-a-year old! such a new n valuable gift - i really dun wish i would lose it outside, at least if i lost it at home (like yday - i had to forced myself to open my eyes in the pool, or i would just swam from left to right or diagonally but just not striaght), i still can use it in future! Mayb that is a sign that i shouldn't have gone swimming tdy! maybe cuz i was sad about my goggles, and the past few days, i haven't eating right - have been gorging myself with junks after swimming, so i decided to buy yong-dou-fu, but actually i din really want to eat that. at the end, i ate even more than yday - waffle, bread, biscuits, cookies plus the yong-dou-fu! i wonder what happen to me!? seems like the more i swim, the more i eat as well even though i try so hard to control! really hate myself! aft chatting with cheung-po-po (my nanny), suddenly i feel so "sour" - have a sudden urge to go back to c her! really miss her very much! i can feel that she is dying to see me, she misses me very much - i can tell from her! plus her (elder) son, treats her kinda badly (she hasn't see him since the beginning of the year), that's pretty sad! somemore gong-gong (her hubby) just lost his job cuz of the $ issue during CNY this year, i really feel very sorry and sad 4 her! i wana hug u now - po po!!! Just hope that u will be as healthy as always and hope that i could return to visit them soon! i really feel very sad 4 her! but on the other hand, i might be getting my intership this summer and my dad seems to have much finanial difficulties, my mum yet making so much noise about going back 4 my grandma's bday celebration, i really don't know if i should go back! i can sense that my dad don't really want us to go back cuz we will need to spend quite a large sum. besides, i don't want to just return 4 a "dinner" but also to stay longer (prob a month or so?!), just an estimate of all the necessary spending, honestly it gona cost alot! wonder how come i feel so poor even thou i hvn been gg out, now - my life is go sch, go home, go sch, go home. not even any form of entertainment! just like the past 2 days, i have been mugging in sch from afternn (aft my swim) till late nite - i guessed i might have overworked, thus i was so lazy to go back to sch tdy! but die lah! i have stats mid-term this sat - and i haven't even study a thing yet! don't even know what he expects from us. and now at home, i dun have any motivation to study at all! should i go back to sch? but now it's already 7pm, and even if i go sch, i have to catch 12nn, last bus. otherwise i couldn't go home! what should i do? should i? mayb i should! since i really don't seem to be very productive here! haiz.. why lidat? i have slacked one full day even though i have tonnes of things to do still! my target for today has flopped! omg!! how?! chumm... why am i so screwed tdy?! and after i got back my finance mid-terms, i was so disheartened as well! i just passed on the dot even though i studied so hard! i dun even hit the average of all his classes! what's happening?! m i that shui (bad-luck)? nothing seems to be smooth 4 me! haiz... even when my dad asked me if i'm in any relationship just now, i was like ... *sigh* what a qn??! i wish mann.. hardly found someone whom i think he's not bad, but i was too late! he's already attached, somemore 4 a year already! how would i stand any chance?! suddenly i just feel very sad & pitiful for myself! how come i'm like so bored and lifeless? m i the only one? or there are many people out there are on the same boat as me? i wonder!!! how come i often so lagging and sad here?! trying to do something to keep myself going, yet opposite effects resulted! seems like i can only be a loser!