My stamina is drying up! why m i so bored ? REALLY!!!

just feel kinda slack this weekend. haven been doing much! what happened? the very determined MI has gone! i dunno why also. ever since that day my mum scolded me 4 not "appreciating" her effort, she has not been talking much to me (ok lah! plus i hardly c her) but yday was her off day, i woke up n she already showed me a "charcoal" face - super unappetitizing to talk to, especially early in the morny. since she began the day (with me) like this, i kinda feel the same as she does - uninterested in any conversation. well. even when i tried to talk to her, she just replied me in such a defensive way that leave me with no interest to continue any conversation with her. and without fail, she scolded me later in the day 4 my tone in replying her. Y are mothers so difficult to talk to nowadays? my friends' mums also. but theirs dun seem to be as bad as mine. maybe she is bored, that's y throwing tantrum to try to release her emotions, or trying to catch my attention, but what about mine? who cares about mine? i've no one to share with or to at least comfort me. i have to deal with them all by myself. perhaps, that's y i'm feeling so bored nowadays. sometimes i really wonder issit myself to put myself in such a sympathetic situation, making myself to feel lonely and bored, feel unloved and tired? or does this come naturally which is beyond my control? i just wrote a letter to my (HK) primary sch friend - was thinking about my ex-bf. is it true that having a bf can help to "neutralize" all this negative feeling? keeping me company, sharing all the woes with me, keeping me occupied? on the other hand, i know, esp when i'm busy, having a bf is not a very wise choice. problems will start to come. well.. not longing 4 a bf, but just hope that i won't feel so bored and unmotivated! is that so difficult to get rid of? why aren't others feel the same as me, but just me who feel so miserable? is it cuz i'm psychologically unbalanced? to add on to that, without motivation, all my plans that i've have are gone - diet 3 days and give in for 5 days; study hard 4 a week and slack the other week; dance concert production - getting more n more sianz to work on... i feel dumb at times, and very non-constructive to my work. wanting to contribute during meeting yet i think i'm contributing in the wrong direction - ended up no one listen to me, but simply IGNORING me. i want to contribute! i want to do something. i want to feel i'm useful. but it seems like i'm being ostracized! i'm unwelcomed! i'm being a nuisance! feeling so much guilt deep inside me, and by looking their faces, i can tell how they think of me - not constructive, an "extra", as good as not existing... i doubt i'm thinking too far / too much, but this is really what my guilt is telling me. i wonder why m i so unconstructive? why can't i follow what they say / gg to? why is my mind thinking of something else that is not along the track? how come i'm so unacceptable?