Saying NO is a SIN?

what's wrong with SAYING "NO" to consumption if i really don't feel like eating / drinking? i mean i don't like the bloatedness feeling, so i try not to overeat (thou i've been doing so quite often due to STESS!)! And that's Y i've been trying to diet. but that's not the point here. what i'm PISSED is that i got scolded just because i dun wana drink soup! it's not that i never drink - i drank it yday already! Yet she (my mum) just raised her voice - accusing me that cuz i'm afraid getting fat, that's y i refused to drink. i was so offended that i cant keep quiet but to rebutt. Then, she began to drew all the [irrelevant] fallcies & threats,

"don't eat at all ok?"

"don't ask me to buy u any food - so i can save $!"

... as her reasons 4 being right! At 1st, i still tot lately my mum-&-moi's relationship is improving as we talk to each other more. Ermm.. apparently it seems like i'm REALLY wrong! Is it cuz of menopause that causes all these nuisances? or is IT loneliness that leads her to throw tantrum anytime she feels like? then wouldn't it be UNFAIR to the innocent receipent => moi? then who do i "transmit" this anger / piss-ness to? i also encounter tensions & pressure, but i'm trying to learn how to handle them on my own - seems like getting better now (i guess).

so WHY CANT she?

Actually this summer i would like to go back HK as well, but after considering so many "im-possibilities" :

== internship? == summer course(s)? == dance production? == part-time job? ==

i really don't dare to guarantee i can afford the time. plus, also it's gonna "burn" my dad a HUGE hole in his wallet if both my mum & i return tgr. initially i tot my mum won't go back cuz i'm not intending to, but i just realized that she'll most likely going back irregardless i'm going or not.

Sometimes i really wonder Y can't she be more considered 4 my dad? does it prove that i'm more sensible than her? when i raised the $$$ issue to her. she answered me so free & easy, "Can always earn back the $!" ~ i'm sure she didn't remember that she still owe me $ when she said that.

And i can see that she uses her "heart" to weigh this trip [emotionally] rather than realistically! i mean it's not the matter of just shopping, but it's really very costly to go back 4 just 10days --> $400+ for merely the air ticket? what about the transport there? - the most costly expenses in HK.

Understanding her desire of meeting the rest of the family, i just feel very "NOT-GOOD" for my dad. Besides, i can see very clearly that he doesn't really want us to go back as well, cuz it's really too costly and of little worthiness. If i were to return, i wana go back 4 a longer period, rather than so rush - to here n there.

Not like i never think of returning, but when i thought of the commitment(s) that i've, i'm afraid i really cant go back this summer. Maybe that's y i dun feel like going back even thou everyone is going back for reunion. i wish i could see them too cuz it's really a rare chance. but my dad... my commitments... really don't think i can afford to leave behind.... HAIZZzzz...