at last i can be an Muah-Chee at home ... Having lotza things in my mind, i realized tat my perception always differ from before & after my visit to HK. i miss my HOME. i guess it mainly cuz of my long-missed relatives there. i really want to spend more time with them - to be loved & pampered. somehow i feel tat i'm missing all these ever since i came to SG. Returning to HK is always in my mind now, i just can't wait to graduate & make my way back there. "Do you feel much happier in SG / HK ?" i posted to my mum today. Like my usual reply - "Depending on which aspects are you referring to." However, my answer might have changed, "HK." Despite i have friends in SG, i just feel tat generally speaking, i don't feel very much happiness in SG. i don't know if i would feel the same if i were to spend those days in HK, but from my evaluation, seriously, i feel pretty upset here. For instance, i just feel more and more left out even with my group of best friends - 208, last nite. i noticed tat they seem to be able to clique very well with each other, i mean like two by two or three by three, they will just walk side by side with each others and chit chat; whereas for me, i have to make an effort to jel into them, and never the other way round. is it that i'm over sensitive? [i guess most people will think so] but i've think over it for many times, and this is gathered from many observations. it wasn't like that in the past, i also thought it could be coz all of us have grown up, so no more teasing and all, but apparently we still tease each other very often, esp zhuang. i just feel kinda lonely at times, pretty sad to feel that we are kinda separated by a thin piece of membrane. i also thought it could be coz i'm too quiet, so things turn out to like that. but... i've tried to say aloud, but may be coz i'm not a good joker, can't catch people's attention / interest, so people will just change topic. another disappointment : my dance club. i think it's really cuz of the chemistry between me n the rest of the committees - i forgot about yday's meeting, and then now the president want me to move from marketing team to logistics. She's doing this to me again. Shifting me around as if i'm a toy, i tried to contribute, but they don't like with my ideas; i tried to find sponsors, but i failed. During meeting, they all are so outspoken, never give me a chance to talk, even i tried, they most likely just ignore / by-passed my suggestion; so how can u expect me to do? saying that i'm not 100% involved, without much tasks given to me, how do u want me to show my efforts? trying to do my job, apparently it's far too little as compared to the rest. but tat's the best i could do, what else do you expect me to do? wanting the dancer to pay $50 just for the chereography for our upcoming performance, what rubbish? since when does dancer have to pay for their own performance? and the $ is not cheap also. i seriously feel very turned off once i heard tat. to them, it could be ok, coz they are quite wealthy, but what abt pple like us? for the one-month training, with one performance item, i also have to pay $50, i rather use the $ and learn dance externally, i believe it will surely be more worthy. feeling more n more wanting to withdraw, but i still have one more sem to bear, just hope that this last sem of being in the comm will be a smooth life for me. my motivation for dance has totally demolished by this comm. *sigh*