I went movie with David yday at VIVO city, supposedly we wanted to watch THE HOLIDAY, but due to the timing, we ended up watching MIDNIGHT SUN (jap movie - very touching).

While waiting for movie to begin (4.10pm), we went to walk around and ate sushi, despite I didn't intend to eat initially.

At 1st, he wanted to take me to go for drinking at night, but cuz he has a wedding to attend, so he has to leave early, and that's why we couldn't catch THE HOLIDAY (6+pm). *Phew! But I'm kinda scared after hearing from him about "socializing" with clients in future! I knew that it's inevitable to avoid drinking, but I'm really very worried especially I want to go to advertising - account servicing, which by I would need to meet clients almost all the time. HOW? What should I do? I really hate alcohol taste, I don't even know how to appreciate WINE, what should I do? I don't like the idea of drinking more now while I'm still "young" for just to train up my alcohol tolerant level, I think that's very stupid thing to do. Doing things that I dislike for the sake of doing it. I know life is never easy, things never be always what u wanted, but... I really don't like it! Now kinda have 2nd thoughts of getting into that industry mann!

When we were eating, that David was being slightly "touchy", hold my wrist to see the time [several times]. But I thought that was still ok, so I didn't really bother much. But after we left the restaurant, he will put his hand over my shoulder at times, I thought perhaps he was just trying to "guide" me the direction we should be heading to, so I also didn't react much, despite I'm quite uncomfortable.

As we were both the earliest for the show, we chatted alittle abit relationship. He just took my hand, made alot of gesture, and just hold my hand (crossed fingers). He hold so tight that even I tried to withdraw, I couldn't escape. And cuz the show just started, I can't make too much noise. After "surrendered" to him, I let go of my hand successfully. Then, I just tried to drink water; crossed my arms; put a shawl over my arms. I have tried all sorts of methods to avoid allowing him to hold my hands, but throughout the whole show, he hold my hands for several times, which really make me very uncomfortable.

I wondered if my guts-feel is right or not? How come I don't feel very good about his gesture? I don't feel that when I'm out with other guys, does that mean that it's a alert for myself? What should I do? I have already signalled to him so obviously that I don't want to let him hold my hands, why is he still doing that? Holding a girl's hand is something casual to him? So should I not take it that serious too? I don't know what to do? I think I have not encountered such incident for too long, I'm suddenly lost & don't know how should I react? I don't want to leave half way cuz I really want to enjoy the show. I have thought of not letting him to send me home, but... maybe cuz "the will" is not strong enough to put it into action, so he sent him home after the show.

As I'm afraid of him holding my hands again, so I crossed my arms as hard as super-clued, but I couldn't believe that he insisted to hold my hand while we were waiting for the lift (to the carpark). I don't even want to look at him, and I just said in quite a nice manner, "Don't force it anymore!" Thank god there were a couple came for the lift after I said that, then he stopped.

When he was sending me home, I kept quiet - I don't feel like talking to him anymore. But I don't know I would allow him to hold my hand again! Perhaps I'm too afraid to tell him off? Or is it somewhere deep in me having been wishing for someone to hold my hand? I doubt the latter is true!

After I've got home, the more I think about it, the more pissed off I've got! I think he never respect me, and he's just being too egoist [but to him is bravery]. I should have just gave him a BIG slap at VIVO, let everyone to see! Or I should have just sat somewhere else while in the cinema, I don't want to leave half way cuz I want to finish watching the show. Actually at the show, I somehow feel that he's not really watching it, but more of like using that as a "tool" for him to get close to me, to hold my hand [from my glance]. But the last (1st) time we watched movie, he was very gentleman, that's why I didn't expect him to be like that. I think I really to dumb & stupid already! I should have trust my own guts-feel and react strongly to it. I'm lack of confidence to react. I think I'll just doomed if I remained like this in future. Surely I'll lose out more! ~ I don't want! I need to learn how to protect myself! But how? It's easy to say, but hard to do it! Perhaps I too considerate - always think in another person's shoes too much, and ended up never think for myself. How can I be SMARTER? I'm always such a loser & weaker! Only know how to say what I should have done after the incident has happened! Why am I so SLOW? *Haiz...*

Labels: Too nice or weak?