how to define an emotion? - happie? or sad? -

what's mine? - neither here nor there! -

i don't need an very extreme state of emotion, but i just want to have a more clear-cut kind of emotion, i don't like the current state where i feel troubled, but not completely sad / depressed; or relatively happy but not from my heart, somewhere deep in me has an(some) untied knot(s).

i don't like such in-between feeling. i rather i feel completely depressed and cry out loud to let out my emotions. i feel very tired being in such undeifinable position! what can i do?

i've tried to listen to more emotional songs, think of the sad part of my life... but i just unable to force myself to cry out loud. somehow i just feel that i'm too numbed to feeling, to emotions that i don't even know how to express out. Did i just turned into a machine? robot? or just a human made of flesh & fats with a metallic heart that has no emotions? i no longer feel that i'm like a person. i can't FEEL anything! i don't know ME anymore! i can't FEEL myself! i don't know how to CRY! i don't know LAUGH out loud from my heart! (i only know how to "laugh" for show!)

OH MANN... WHAT AM I?

Labels: what am I?