i thought i would have no more DILEMMA already, but... today i just receieved an email about Business Study Mission (BSM) to New York at the end of this year (Dec), it'll be counted under Global Regional Studies (GRS) [BBA student are supposed to take 2 mods under this category, and i've already cleared one, left with one more - i'm currently taking now (Special Topic in Management on Japan {STM})] i've attended a class last week for STM, the Japanese Prof seems abit blur, IT illiterate, but i think he's strict in his marking, as Japanese are particular in details; initially i was very much motivated in taking that mod, cuz i bidded together with my friends. However, he assigned us into groups randomly, and i'm surrounded with all the YEAR 4s (for my group)~ i wonder it's a fortune or challenge? Grading for STM: 30% - class participation 30% - presentations (total 2 of them) 40% - individual report [instead of final exam paper] i'm not good at writing report, with such high weightage for what i'm poor at, how high of a chance can i perform well for this mod? i need to pull my GPA desparately, cuz it didn't improve last sem, and i'm still far away from "normal" standard level. That's why i'm only taking 4 mods this few sem, as the weightage of each grade is decreasing as the more mods u completed. Now, this BSM (NY) is really a great opportunity for me to take; benefits: 1) i can clear the GRS credit 2) this is my last opportunity for me to travel to oversea [with the school], as i'm neither going for any student exchange nor oversea internship. So this is the great opportunity 3) it'll definitely be a great experience as i will probably won't go to that part of the world until i'm very successful in my career, or only if i'm sent for a work trip problems: 1) requirement for successful application is good GPA - which i don't have! since it's a very popular mod that many pple [whoever can afford] would apply, i doubt i will get selected! "Applications will be assessed holistically and take into account seniority, academic performance and CCA backgrounds. Priority will be given to senior students (i.e. class of 2004 and 2005) who have good GPAs and relevant academic and CCA backgrounds." 2) i'm currently taking STM [counted under GRS], will it affect my chances of getting selected? 3) it's pretty costly ~ estimated S$3175 [inclu. air fare, transport, accomodation, food...] for 12 days trip, have to attend 8 lessons (weekly), and Pre-Christmas free-and-easy in New York City, that's why i think it's really a great chance to go. And for sure, i've someone going with me - louis, he's the Teaching Assistant (TA) for this mod [just so happened that i've asked him sth about his past trip to NY BSM a few days ago, what a coincidence?] but i think the cost is still manageable, as most i just work harder and save more now, i still have 1 year to save up! 4) dateline for consideration due this friday (12th jan), so i'm damn freaked out now. i'm trying to ask around for advice, what should i do?! i'm kinda concerned that... "am i over-estimate myself if i applied, since i do not have good grades, i can't even qualified for being a TA, should i still apply?" dilemma: 1) even if i applied, i might not be able to get it, cuz it still require interviews, then u will know if u R selected! by the time result released, it'll be too late for me to drop my STM, and take another mod. 2) if i dropped STM, and take another mod by the prof who's leading this BSM class to NY, it'll clash with my advertising class on friday morny. i've requested to audit ads class again, if i tell him that i'm not doing it now, i kinda feel that i'm very irresponsible, and the main thing is that i can't afford to let my prof down, he's my fav prof, and he has helped me alot. Unless i attend his 12nn class, but another problem is that i can only attend from 12 - 1.45 as i have Jap class, so everything just clashes. what a problem i'm facing now?! i know life is about risk taking, but i just don't really like to take risk, maybe it's cuz i've considered too much about the consequences. i've just talked to my mum about this issue -> i often think alot before making decision, hence, alot of opportunities are missed. i'm also someone who dislike conflicts, so usually i "dare not" stand up on my own for my view, but instead, i'll try to be a "nice" [or u should say easy to bully] person. It's not only cuz i'm timid, i just don't know how to reply quick whenever there's a conflicts / arguement. it's all my nature - as analyzed according to my horoscope. It's just human nature, maybe that explains why am i [often] a loser rather than a winner! *Sigh!!! what should i do? # follow what my Prof said - follow ur heart, and just go for what u think it's worth going! N not miss the chance? # be realistic & practical - spend so much money just for an experience, maybe next time u can still go when u have a lot of money?! Besides, my GPA is so lousy, it seems like i'm just "bu-zhi-liang-li"! HELP!!! Why is it such a hassle to make decision?! it's only 2nd week of school, why everything seems so "rough" for me? another problem: i've wanted to control my diet and eat less, but apparently, i'm not cutting down but eating so much! what happen to my own promise? i have promised to myself, but i'm not upkeeping it! instead, i feel that my burms is getting tighter again - What's happening? i don't want to exercise too much, cuz i'm building muscles, but i'm neither losing weight, maybe i should really get into depression mode, but how to be sad where i can't force myself into it?! i don't even feel that forward-looking to next tues (16th jan - my bday), i think i'm really "NOT feeling WELL"!!!

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